The Astrology of Attraction

The "Love Lorn" make good marketing targets especially in astrological "circles". Most Astrological Web sites and magazines are dedicated to those of you tormented by Cupid's arrow with compatibility reports and even special "Love Horoscopes" aimed to feed the addiction. Thousands of letters fill advice columns asking "Does he/she love me?"; "Should I stay or leave him/her?", "Are we Soul mates?" and on and on it goes. I'm hardly a cynic about that feeling of bliss, or of sharing life with another person but this obsession about love needs some illumination.

Though I barely have my finger on the light switch I do think it's important to pose some points to ponder. Keep your mind open as you read on because the Shadow in us is a hard demon to confront, which is, after all, why falling in love is racked with so much discomfort. It's going to take a book to cover all that so for the sake of time and space I'll go right to the most damaging relational concept, Soulmates!

Here we are presented with a concept that tries to give us reasons for having a powerful attraction based on events that are not verifiable. But that's hardly the problem. The true damage with the Soulmate concept is that you are likely to discard the real reason for the attraction, which is usually less than glamorous. You aren't finding a lost love that exists outside of you, you are finding a lost part of yourself that the other person reflects back to you; that is why they seem so familiar and perhaps why the Soulmate concept is so readily accepted.

It would serve you to think of everyone as your Soulmate, then you would be more likely to respect all feelings that emerged in you, own them and stop making your relationship so special that you would die without it. It was your subconscious mind that selected the person in the first place, that's why you might feel that they are a God, or Goddess while the rest of us yawn; they fit YOUR projection, the part of you that you can't see.

I understand that your attractions are likely a key that unlocks the darker part of your psyche. If you try to remember this point you will have a much greater chance of getting some valuable understanding about yourself having entered the relationship regardless if they "killed you in a past life" or your souls were a "twin flame" or any other aggrandized fairy-tale that we can paint. Based on your current life, you will draw to you the perfect person or "hook" to reflect components long buried within you that are ready to be seen and embraced.

I deeply trust the nature of the subconscious mind, which Carl Jung described as ' your best friend who can only speak to you in symbols and who tirelessly knocks at the door of your life offering hints and pictures that guide you to wholeness.' Those symbols are around us at every moment, not just in our dreams but also in our everyday life. Symbols acting as omens surround us constantly and it's our job to bring them into consciousness, to ask “Why is this in front of me?" In that very moment of asking we have regained a certain amount of control in our lives, ousted ourselves from a victimized mentality and have begun acknowledging that we are not alone and that everything in front of us, serves us.

The relationships that we draw towards us are part of that process. They are symbols placed before us to direct our attention to our most hidden fears. Perhaps it's not love at all; perhaps we see a wound in that person that we know we can bandage, which assures us that we won't be abandoned; something our subconscious notices in one fleeting glance. Perhaps our attraction is an opportunity to win back self-love because we picked someone who like our Father, is a perfect fit but guaranteed to reject us. The point is, you can discard all the old judgments like, "I have intimacy issues" or " I was not meant to have a partner" in lieu of an understanding that everything that enters your life is brought to you lovingly from a higher place to assist you in loving yourself.

Where does astrology fit into all of this? Through the astrological chart you can likely see what part of your psyche the person is illuminating. We like to use the birth chart as a map to your life, each of the ten planets (and asteroids) paints a picture, like musical notes on a score sheet. Some tones are easier to listen to if others are singing them or, analogies aside, we have an easier time letting others act out our Mars if we aren't comfortable with our aggressive side or letting them "do" our Venus if we aren't comfortable with our more feminine side.

Astrology can tell you what you can learn from another person by combining the charts but if I told you not to enter a relationship that you were attracted to because of the difficulties that you may encounter, well I might as well tell you not to grow, not to trust your higher mind and that serves no one.

In conclusion, when you "fall in love" remind yourself that you have created a special opportunity to grow. Honor the part of you that created the "symbol" in front of you and accept or reject the challenge consciously. Your subconscious mind is tireless in bringing you what you need to grow, so if you aren't ready for the challenge just say, "No." If you are ready, take a moment each day to listen more closely to the magic around you, trust your symbols and listen to your dreams.