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How to cope without the kiss

You’ve spent a magical first evening together. So when the anticipated moment arrives, you know what’s coming. You pause at the door, gazing deeply into his eyes. His eyes meet yours, his lips part, and he says…

"I had a great time. Good night."

What do you do when the perfect first date closes without that timeless closing scene? While we’re used to men with one-track minds, a kiss-less night doesn’t have to be cause for panic. Before you write him off, consider some of the reasons guys miss that first move.

The Anti-predator
Does he have reason to think you find men predatory? Could he be afraid of scaring you away? It doesn’t happen every day, but men are occasionally sensitive to the pressures women face in the dating arena. If he thinks you are the shy type, he might delay his first move.

Old-fashioned Guy
Not unlike afraid-to-move-fast guy, old-fashioned guy believes women respond better to a man who treats a lady like a lady. Old-fashioned guy probably has other tells, too. Did you notice him opening car doors and pulling out chairs? Rest assured, that kiss will come. But if you don’t want to wait another three dates, try giving him a few tells of your own.

Shy Guy
Guys get nervous, too. Especially when they’re faced with a girl they really like. The shy guy may just need some time to gather his nerve. If you suspect self-consciousness, reassure him that you are interested -- and that you respect him enough not to laugh in his face he’s somewhat less than suave. Sometimes a casual touch on the arm or a well-timed smile can be enough to put a shy guy at ease.

Not sure Guy
Not-sure guy takes his time auditioning a girl. He may not know what he wants, or he may just want to take things slowly. Some girls find his I-want-to-get-to-know-you approach charming. But if you know you’re ready for the real deal, and he’s still talking over coffee, it may be time for a different kind of talk… or a different kind of date.

Whatever the scenario, a date without that most cliché of clinchers doesn’t have to be a disaster. Shy, old-fashioned, or not-so-interested, his decision to kiss or not to kiss is a reflection of him, not you. Try focusing on what you want, instead of what he thinks.

Of course, in order to do that, you’ll need to decide what it is you want. If you can avoid using the end-of-night kiss as a gauge of the evening’s success, you might find it can be fun to wait and see. Obviously if you don’t hear from him again, you won’t want to waste your time, but there are advantages to delaying the first kiss in a new romance. You may want to spend a little more time evaluating your own interest, for instance. And the thrill of anticipation is not to be underestimated.

On the other hand, if you’ve got your sights set on some smooching, you can always take the matter into your own lips. It’s not that subtlety can’t be effective -- eye contact and pauses are fertile ground for first kisses -- but if you know you like this guy, what do you really have to lose? Most men appreciate a girl who knows what she wants and takes the initiative. You may even find you enjoy turning the tables. Why not give him a little something to think about for a change?

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